The Hills Are Alive…

With the sound of gunfire of course. 

Of all the things I would have put on the list of “I’ll never do THIS in Italy”, shooting about 300 rounds of Colt 45, 12 gauge shotgun and 9mm in the Tuscan hills ranks close to the top.

Some background:  like most things in Italy first you have to know a guy…and we do, Marco.  One of the Italian Security Forces and a member of the Italian Practical Shooting Club.  He invited us to join them on one of their shooting days figuring, “hey these guys are a bunch of Americans they must love to shoot stuff.”  And wouldn’t you know he was right. 

So off we went one Saturday morning into the Tuscans countryside to meet up with the rest of the guys.  Since, our friend told us, there we no facilities at their shooting range and since it was a bit rainy we may want to bring a change of clothes, some snacks and some water.  We of course brought that plus some American beer.  After all we are shooting guns and you have to have American beer for that…at least that is what we were told by our hosts so we obliged.  For my part I received a healthy dose of a hard time for my bag choice…and considering my previous posts on “man purses” I don’t blame them, but I did have my revenge.  More on that later.

We arrived, after meeting for coffee before hand of course, and our hosts generously provided everything.  They had top notch gear:  1911 style 45 ACP pistols, quick draw holsters, Benelli 12 gauge assault shotgun and a sweet Berretta 9mm carbine rifle.  All this is saying a lot because gun owning and shooting is heavily regulated, taxed and is extremely expensive here in Italy.  Additionally they had a cool range set up with metal drop plate targets, cardboard silhouette targets on stand up frames, some cool contraptions that put targets on the move as well as some places to simulate shooting from cover.   Only problem was we had no belts to put holsters on and by some freak chance no one wore a belt.

I was in fine shape however after MacGyvering my man purse bag strap into a stylish and very functional pistol belt.  And after a few minutes my friends begrudgingly admitted that I had “sufficiently rednecked out my man purse” and could be forgiven for my previous blunder.

The "Man Purse"

...and it's new gun totting capabilities.  Note the shiny silver buckle.

After they handed out some gear and we set up the range, there was the obligatory safety brefing.  Which was of course brought up quicker than expected because as soon as someone handed me a gun I walked away from the crowd, choose a safe direction and drew out my pistol to check it out…big no no.  Of course now I was full into the “crazy gun toting Texan” mold…but that’s ok with me and most of the Italians didn’t mind.  In fact one of the guys is considering moving to Katy…because he likes Texas and because that’s where he can get guns and things for shooting guns cheap.

Duff's "4 Aces" in a quick draw holster

After they check out our shooting and safety skills we were deemed good enough to move to the “full course”.  This entitled shooting up to about 20 targets, from behind cover or on the move and sometimes with two different guns; ie sometimes you would shoot up the place with 6 rounds of 12 gauge and then follow up anything else with a pistol.  IT WAS AWESOME.  The whole system had a scoring deal, I of course won…at least among the Americans because Marco stomped everyone.

We have been invited back and we decided next time we are going to set up a “multinational; team competition”, which will involve 2 guys shooting the range at the same time and both of us will be using two different guns to complete the challenge…sounds right up my alley.

The Range

Me shooting the pistol...note the judge/safety observer.

Twic shooting the carbine "from cover"

Me on the move with the 12 gauge

After a fun filled day we headed back home, after downing a few cold beers, then stopping for coffee of course. 

The Americans...note the beautiful Tuscan setting and Fiddler's "Hand-gun".

The now "International" shooting club...ready for cafe.

A PhD in Parking

I learned to parallel park in a 1972 Ford Galaxy 500.  It’s called a Galaxy 500 because that’s about how big it was.  As a result I consider myself to be above average when it comes to parallel parking skills, no surprise.  Here in Italy, however, parking and most particularly parallel parking is at a whole new bar.  Parking on our street alone, which is one of the easier places to park in town, is so bad that Lauren refuses to park the car unless she can park in our designated spot in the lot across the street.

The reasons parking is such a challenge are many.  First parking spots are difficult to come by during the work week, particularly for a car as large as our Cadillac.  When I get home for work, it is not unusual for me to make 3 or 4 laps around the block, in ever widening circles, before I find a spot.  Second Italians have no qualms with leaving the absolute minimum space between your bumper and theirs, making escaping your chosen spot as difficult as getting in it.  Finally many of the streets are so narrow, with cars parked on both sides, that the most common parking techniques are almost useless.  As a result car bumpers truly earn their name because small taps and nudges are common when parking.  Additionally, when parking in a regular lot spot, the distance between two cars is nil requiring careful entrances and exits and a bit of gut sucking to get in and out.

Here is a look at some of the most common parking challenges.

Min distance for parking.

Just enough space to squeeze in.

I'm not sure you could even open the door.

This street is so narrow I often have to fold in the mirrors to get past.  Notice how all the parked cars have done the same.  A nose in then some sort of improvised parallel parking scheme followed by several Austin Powers turns is the only thing that can get you into a space here.

The 1972 Ford Galaxy 500.  Minus the dinged up front end, this is my car exactly.  Color, hubcaps and all 43 feet of hood.  It was my great grandmother's before I got it and I think it only had about 50,000 original miles... in 1992.  The whole thing is the same length as a Suburban.  You can fit three people laying in the trunk, six sitting across the back seat and you can lay down across the front seat with out touching either door.  A true land yacht.... or supertanker

Oh the Irony

A fact that I was unaware of until recently; the company that brings you this.

Is owned by the company that brings you this!

I know.  Sad but true, Fiat Auto Group owns Ferrari.  I'm pretty sure Enzo would have crashed a Ferrari into his own house before he would have let that  happen.

If You’re So Smart…

The tiny cars are everywhere here in Europe, but perhaps none is more interesting in it’s variety that the Smart car.  Despite the diminutive size, they are surprisingly roomy and even come in a 4 seat version.  However, I would never drive one…I mean I’ve seen them park in spaces usually reserved for 2 motorcycles.  Perhaps the best version is the Police Smart, which I have actually seen drive through the park on a sidewalk, past the slides and out the other gate.  Here is a little taste of just how Smart they are.

The Regular

The Adventurous

The Sport

The For Four (no kidding, it's called the "Smart for 4")

The Crime Fighter...

Looking for those who are speeding past the playground

The Other Parts of Italy

I know Rome, Venice and Florence are the big three of Italian tourism for a reason, but I really like the less touristy places.  Since living here we have seen (in addition to Ferrrara) the less visited Ravenna, Trento, Vicenza, Verona, Bologna and this past weekend, Padova.  I will admit that Rome is the epicenter of Italian and arguably modern western civilization.  Florence, additionally, is home to some of the greatest works of renaissance art and just being in Venice speaks for itself.  But a good number of those works of art, architectural features and city layouts were invented or even stolen from the lesser know spots.

Take Padova, besides having the second oldest University in Italy, behind Bologna, it also contains one of the world’s most famous frescoes (completed in 1305) by Giotto and housed in the Scrovegni Chapel.  Bologna, and in fact the entire region of Emilia Romaga, is arguably the epicurean center of Italy…Parmesan Cheese is from here for cryin’ out loud.  Besides, the museums of Rome contain works of art that were pilfered from the smaller cities when they came under Papal rule.  In other words, there are hidden gems all over Italy, and I am only mentioning those that are easy day trips from our house.

Perhaps the best part of these cities, tourists…or lack of them.  Although there are other Europeans and in fact other Italians that frequent these cities, the numbers pale in comparison to the numbers see in the more famous spots.  So the bottom line; on your next trip to Italy look into some of those off the beaten path places.

Ask Seinfeld…He’ll Tell You.

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend here in Italy, the Man Purse.  They are everywhere, particularly this summer and it disturbs me.  Do we men really need to carry that many items that we need a bag?   I mean are we heading to the Boy Scout jamboree?  Or perhaps worse, our pants are too tight and we can’t even fit a simple wallet and perhaps cell phone in a pocket without looking like we are attempting to smuggle rare books through customs.  While the trend is more common among my age group and older, younger Italians are full participants.

What is perhaps most disturbing is the fact that Lauren thought it might be a good idea for me to get one.  Really!?!?!?  I just can’t do it!  Her justification is sound; our two year old is more capable of walking all day on his own, which negates the necessity of a stroller.  Without the stroller things like camera, tour guide and drinks end up in her purse, bringing the weight to about 43lbs.  This in turn causes me to have to lug her purse around and by extension I would look much more “manly” carrying a man bag.  I just can’t do it!  I mean I know “it’s European” and all, but I just live here, my roots are solidly Texan with a small touch of redneck and I’m a fighter pilot for crying out loud.  I am quite certain I would be disowned or at the very least harassed mercilessly until I lost the will to live.

The other voiced alternative is the backpack.  I am, however, certain that sporting the Jansport across Europe will throw me solidly into “that” American category along with the dorky dad or college crowd.  I need help, advice, anything…HELP I DON”T WANT TO WEAR A MAN PURSE!

?

You see the strangest things here. Some are cool.  This was at gas station in town. There was about 10 guys gawking under the hood. I would guess there are very few of these in Europe let alone Italy, there isn't even that many in America.  You could probably fit about 10 Italian cars in this guys trunk.